Wedding Anniversaries and Adoption

Written by on 22 May, 2014 in Adoption with 0 Comments
Charlie & Jill

Charlie & Jill

Today is our 33rd wedding anniversary.  It’s been a struggle and hard work for both of us, but we have made it this far.  God willing, our marriage will last until death do us part.

Initially when asked, the minister said no he did not want to marry us; he had good reason to say that since we’d both been married before and neither one of us had especially good relationship track records.  Ministers used to take personal responsibility in who they married and who they did not.  Typically, marriage was supposed to last a life time and not end up in a courtroom with people fighting over the kids and the dust balls under the beds.

I was initially hurt that the minister said no, but it gave me something to think about, even now.  In those days, marriage and divorce were the extreme religious social ills that has been replaced by abortion and homosexuality.  Living together, or living in sin as it was called, were poorly regarded as sinful living and ministers didn’t want to be seen as endorsing bad behavior.  Times have definitely changed since so many people sitting in the church pews have been married more than twice, lived together, and have had multiple sexual partners.  It seems that pastoral distain of the divorced crowd has been replaced by abortions, Gays and Lesbians.  But today, many ministers have been married more than once themselves, and thirty years ago they would have lost their church and collar.

Three decades ago, there was not much in the way of pre-marital counseling.  I wish there had been.  In those days, there wasn’t much in the way of any counseling at all, and somehow you were mentally challenged if you admitted to speaking with someone about life’s issues.  Crazy people did that.

My parents’ generation didn’t have no fault divorce, and if the marriage didn’t work out someone had to be at fault by either desertion or having a documented affair.  The person at fault was never forgiven by the church, unless they stayed chase for the rest of their natural life, and often were refused burial in the church cemetery with the rest of their kin.  Even though most Judges at the time said they viewed the same woman in the same lingerie over and over again, ministers called that lying under oath; another unforgivable sin.

In my years on Earth, the church has certainly changed its definition of sin and forgiveness.  When I was a kid, an illegitimate child was an obvious sign of God’s indignation and contempt for the seductress without self-control.  She was to lose communion rights because of her obvious sin and poor choices.  Just a decade later, those same types of women were applauded for having their child and avoiding the temptation of a murderous abortion.  Adoption went from the girl being shipped off to relatives in total shame and embarrassment, to the loving option.

I love Jesus, but so much of what His church does is very confusing, probably to Him too.  Marriage should still be considered a solid choice and should seriously be considered.  My marital advice to anyone thinking about marriage is to find a good counselor, attend counseling regularly together and apart, listen, and talk about the tough topics with your soon to be spouse.  If you’re afraid to discuss certain topics before the marriage, they will be far more difficult afterwards.  You really want to see your future life’s partner in more different situations before the wedding than wait until afterwards.  If they bring up a prenuptial agreement run, just because their parents’ marriage didn’t work is no excuse.  A prenupt is nothing more than an attempt to put their toes in the water instead of jumping in the pool and learning to swim; if the escape hatch is more important than hard work – call it quits before it’s too late.  You deserve better.  Plus, counseling should help those who have witnessed their parent’s dirty divorce, discuss it.

Premarital counseling should cover: your relationship with Christ as a couple, finances, children and possible infertility issues, in-laws, and conflict resolution.  Discuss the life out of the tough topics and you will find that squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle will be easy to negotiate.

After 33 years of marriage, my husband and I both watch Marriage Today with Jimmy & Karen Evans.  It’s almost a weekday affair at our house, and it has proven to increase our communication even now.  Marriage is work and it is the hardest work you will ever do if you choose to have a successful marriage.  Love is a verb; it is an action word.  It is not a feeling, so it is not something you can fall into and then back out.  Success does not mean perfect, it means giving it your best try every day.  If you want your marriage to last, pray out loud together every day even if you have to start simple – it makes a difference.  God bless your marriage, family, and friends.

Happy Anniversary Charlie.

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