How Ohio Right to Life Could Include the Full Adoption Triad into their Bill.

Written by on 19 March, 2014 in Adoption, Blog with 0 Comments
Life Rally

Life Rally

No one likes to be ignored and trivialized especially those who feel that they have something to share that would make a difference.  If you have been traumatized because of adoption, you want to see changes.  There is an entire herd of us with similar experiences, why ignore us?  Not all of us have pretty adoption stories, and I love Jesus just as much, and maybe more, than those with glowing reports.

Those of us with the worst adoption stories also have the strongest testimonies.  We are not afraid to tell people that Jesus loves them and wants them in His kingdom.  We are also not afraid to shout, “Adoption needs change and more transparency; transparency has Jesus written all over it.”

It is written, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32 ESV.  Why murky the waters in adoption?  Why make it easier only for the adoptive parents?  Why not have a system that works for everyone?

A few of the things I see that needs changing in adoption are the following:

  1. Counseling for the birth mother, prior to and after the birth of her child.  Ongoing counseling that lasts for years at the expense of the placing agency.  Yes, my birth mother was groomed by the placing agency.  I don’t believe that to be acceptable in any case.
  2. Birth father inclusion.  Birth fathers should be required by law to sign off their children.  DNA testing should be completed and fathers should have the same rights as mothers including counseling.  If the father and his family want to raise the child than they should be given preference over other families.  Again yes, my birth father went to an attorney after my placement because he was not included in the decision.  He was told, too bad.  Again, that is not acceptable.
  3. Open records for all adoptees.  Whether the records are available to the child when they turn 18 or at birth for the adoptive and birth parents alike.  Transparency should be number one.  You can laugh, but children should not be owned by anyone, so there is no transfer of ownership available.  Adoption is not ownership.  It is not becoming part of one family at the expense of the other.  There is no loyalty rewards like the supermarket pass out at the register.  Moses may have been part of Pharoah’s family, but he was also part of Jochebed’s family, she was the daughter of Levi.  I see nothing in the Bible to encourage dissolving families permanently.  Moses adoption was out of total desperation by his birth mother, and later he returned to them. In my own experience, I’ve met my birth family; I care deeply for them.  I also have my elderly adoptive mother living in my home because she can no longer care for herself.  It’s not one OR the other.
  4. Adoptive parents need counseling too.  Rather than telling a social worker what they believe the social worker wants to hear, there may need to be counseling about the fact that they are going to raise a child birthed by others.  Jesus is the child’s savior, not you.  It is your responsibility to raise the child like it is yours.  You can include the birth family as part of yours, or you can exclude them which may happen to you later on in life.  Forcing devotion by adoptees using closed records only encourages resentment.  If you cannot foster relationships without legal regulation, adoption may not be for you. Babies in this country should not come with financial rewards by the states; it’s not necessary.  There are far more people interested in adopting a baby than babies available.  The $10,000 that Ohio Right to Life is proposing will only allow agencies and lawyers to spike their price.
  5. Adoptive parents need to spend time learning about the benefits of older child adoption.  I wish I could tell you that by stopping abortion, you would have more babies available, but I believe more mothers and fathers will keep their baby.  Whether adoptive parents believe they are interested in older children or not.  Some counseling and time spent with other families may change their mind.  From my own experience, older children bring a lot to the table.  Their personalities are already in motion, and dad’s get to go right off to the sports field to begin their coaching careers.  Mother’s get to begin wrangling with the schools about special placement and testing for their children.  Within months, you honestly forget they were adopted.  At least that was my personal experience.  You will need counselors, doctors, driver’s education classes, more car insurance, but you eventually need those things if you begin with babies too.  I also think this is the place for the $10,000 tax credit.  These families can use additional financial help, and there are more children available than families interested in adopting them.
  6. We are a Global community.  International adoption also needs transparency, but should also be encouraged.  There are far too many children worldwide who need homes.  Orphanages are not great places to spend your childhood.  My daughter still has bad dreams about the orphanage/boarding school she spent years attending.  There needs to be far more legal consequence to agencies who place children from outside the United States.  Child trafficking is not acceptable; neither is an agency who is not providing aftercare for children they’ve placed with severe behavior problems.  The agency needs a spanking when their placements are being rehomed, or flown back to their home country unattended.  Adoptive parents should be able to call their agencies at any time and request help whether the placement was last week, or last year.  The $10,000 tax credit should be encouraged for this group too.
  7. Adoption agencies and adoption attorneys need to be better patrolled.  When money changes hands, corruption follows.  I’d never suggest that all agencies and attorneys are greedily selling babies, but some of them are doing just that.  Transparency will stop a lot of that.  Also, require the online publishing of non-profit salaries annually.  For example, each agency in a state has until July to upload their salaries at a government site, or they lose the nonprofit distinction.  The public need to see the exorbitant salaries some of these people receive, and I guarantee the shock will be enough to demand change.

I have other thoughts on the subject too, but there is already a lot here.  God is good.  I believe that most of his people try to be good too.  We just all have different experiences, which is why all sides should be brought to the table.

 To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.  Proverbs 21:3 ESV

 


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